Ghosting: Pre-Cell Phones

Back in the day, before cell phones and my ability to set boundaries, I had a slight mishap with a potential date. It was my freshman year of college.

I was 18 years old and living on my own for the first time.

It was literally the first week of college. In fact, my tennis shoes still smelled like pig poop from showing in my last county fair. (I didn’t notice they smelled until I moved to the city and wondered why it smelled like 4-H...)

After our freshman orientation event, I was asked on my first date. It was a shock, and although I was not interested in going on this date, I had no idea how to say ‘No.’

Boundaries were not a thing in my life back then. I did what was expected because that was my role in the family, and if I didn’t, I felt guilt and pressure until I eventually caved in.

So most of the time, I said ‘Yes.'

We lived in one of the old school dorms where the boys lived on the second floor, the girls on the first, and the third was co-ed—shared bathrooms in each hall, and two beds per room.

On the designated night, I heard the knock...and crawled under my bed.

You read that correctly. I hid under the bed, in my studio dorm room, in the building where we both lived, hoping that he would believe that I forgot our date and leave.

He didn’t.

Instead, he slid a note under my door that said, “I know you’re in there.”

For real.

I persisted in my avoidance under my twin-sized bed, and he eventually gave up. I never looked at or spoke to him again. Even though we attended a small, private college, lived in the same dorm, and had classes together.

I still remember his name, and I feel bad. Well, a little.

Sorry kid!

It wasn’t you, it was me.

What I Wish I Knew Then:

Clear is kind! Even if saying ‘no’ is hard, it's still nicer than hiding under your bed from a kid that just wanted to go to dinner and a movie.

I thought “no” was mean, disrespectful, or required a 12-page justification.

It doesn’t. And hiding isn’t a substitute for learning to speak your mind.

(But it does make for a goofy blog post later in life.)

If only I had learned from that encounter to stop hiding under my bed from problems...but I didn't. That's another blog though.

Is It Just Me?

Have you ever done something ridiculously avoidant because you didn’t know how to say 'no?'

Tell me about it. I might feature it (anonymously, of course) in a future Character Builder.

This Week’s Character Building Challenge:

Listen to your gut. If there is something you want to hide under your bed from, try saying, 'No thanks' instead.